breaking bad-ass

I have a secret to disclose.

I'm an addict.

I'm in recovery now (completely against my will), but recovery nonetheless.

I'm willing to share this dirty, dark little secret of mine now because quite simply it's over.

I have kept this secret close to my heart, guarded it and kept it safe because it was "bad" and went against everything I believe in.  

But, this selfish indulgence made me feel soooooo good, and I didn't care about the repercussions it would later cause me.

But, now I need to let it go (get it out there) and find some sort of support system that has gone through the same thing and come out on the other side.

I need help.

This "thing" consumed my every thought and ruled my world. It became the master of my domain and the thief of a normal life. It led to sleepless nights, time away from my family, and eventually my sneaking around trying to find WiFi just to get a hit.

Finally, in the end, it ultimately led to depression...a deep, dark depression.

This is not a secret I have kept from my husband.  

In fact, the truth is, he's the one who introduced me to this "thing." He lured me in, got me hooked, yet managed to lose interest and got out before becoming irreversibly addicted.

He turned his back on this addiction and he managed to walk away unscathed (Oh! the strength).  

I can say, though, that he has been there to support me through my time of need...during my withdrawal.

Yes this thing, this delicious, mood/life altering thing that changed the way I view TV...is a show...a show called...Breaking Bad.

I write to you now because I have surfaced to the top again and am able to think straight without the memories of it interfering with my every thought.

I had believed I landed on a secret goldmine.

The truth is, many have traveled this same path here before me.  It wasn't until I was scouring the internet like a crack addict trying to find the next fix that I discovered that this entire show beginning to end all happened several years ago.

As I read every tabloid and news clip about the show and the "vanishing" 6th season, I started to see dates--dates that were old!

This show ended in 2011.

I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Even my DVR showed "6th Season Breaking Bad."

I felt robbed.

Had I know that I was actually watching the last episode EVER, I would have had a ceremonious final viewing.

I would have made it special!

But NO, I blew through those five seasons the way a dog eats a piece of meat before other predators interfere.

My escape, my high, my soul...was gone...forever.

A few internet hoaxes got me through the next couple of nights (saying there would indeed be a 6th season). But, in the end, reality hit. There were no more seasons on the horizon. It was gone forever. Whyyyyyyyyyy?

Breaking Bad, in my opinion, is one of the most brilliantly written shows to date.

The details were perfection, the connections from one episode to all other episodes were woven like a spider web ready to catch its prey--me!

And it did catch me.

The vibrations of this show were so electric that I indeed was easy prey. I became entangled in the web of wonder and delight that this show delivered yet was cast aside and forgotten once the show was no longer hungry for me, their fan.

My only hope now, is to find someone who has not seen the show...

...and watch it all over again... :)