Three things in life are inevitable—death, taxes, and family vacations.

Family vacations guarantee good times, laughter, and an opportunity to see your family members for who they really are (demons).

We spend countless hours planning these fancy little trips with mind numbing web searches, countless phone calls, and price comparisons—would sell our first-born to pay for it if necessary—and count down the hours and days until that holy day arrives.

 BUT…cant wait until it's all over to get the hell back home.

How was your vacation?

It was nice, but its good to be home.

Vacations cause stress.

We might as well be saying,

Hey why don't we go to another state and fight? Huh? Sound good?

Let’s face it—what we are really doing is setting ourselves up for the ultimate failure.

And that’s because of…expectations.

We schedule [events] in an attempt to conjure happiness for people of vastly different ages all the while trying not to land a spot on the "needs help with bills" prayer chain at church.

Because without fail, when we finally do arrive, the question that will be on everyone's lips is…

What are we gonna do today?

That questions makes me cringe.

We're here. We're doing it. Was I supposed to create a schedule and have the butler deliver it to you?

7:00am: get up

7:15am: eat

8:00am: Scheduled fun

The first day is usually good.

You wake up in your unfamiliar room and realize you’re on vacation (Yay me!). Then, saunter over to the window and…heeeeyyy, how about that rain—not a normal rain—but monsoon season type rain on a day when all your outdoor activities were planned (perfect).

Checking the weather before making plans–recommended.

It’s also good to get the specs on all of the activities you plan.

And here’s a thought, go ahead and book them; otherwise you might not be able to go ATVing/horseback riding/white water rafting/zip lining (or anything else fun for that matter) because your kids are just about 16 ounces and half-inch shy of the necessary requirements to be safe (liability schmiability).

Who cares! Let them ride the damn horse!

Kids are great and all but they are game changers when it comes to trying to have a vacation where the adults actually have fun too.

I mean, I would looooove to just drink for an entire day. Is that so wrong? But noooooo we've got the children to think about.

I would love to ride the Traveling Bartender Peddle Hopper, but noooooooo, you have to be 21 and over.

And (btw) there is no quick trip to the children's museum. Just know that. (One word: flask.)

Heaven forbid they put a bar in at least one of these kid friendly places…they'd make a killing.

In the end, it all seems so extravagant (unnecessary) when, on the way home from the airport, you see your entire family display more pure joy at the suggestion of some chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone from McDonalds…

Really?

It's good to be home...